he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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