she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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