my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
