It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to calm my uterus...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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