she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
