I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize