need another drink. this is the easiest way
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
