I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
