fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
