This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
