You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
