Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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