yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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