I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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