I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
