Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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