someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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