batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
