God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
