We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
