All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
