Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
