apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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