In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
