You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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