My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
