He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
