so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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