And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
