I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
