Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
