saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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