It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
