i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
only you would photoshop your dick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
