I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
