somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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