Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
