she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
