In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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