the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
