apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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