question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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