her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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