just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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