I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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