By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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