You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
