it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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