I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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