Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
