so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
