it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
