i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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