my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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