I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
