Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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