I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
