this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You smell like stripper and shame
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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