So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
