I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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