My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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