I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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