is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize