A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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