im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
