Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
