and you said cock pushups were impossible
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
