I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize