How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
