i permit you to call me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
