I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
