Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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