If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
