Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
