I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
