I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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