Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
