I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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