if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
