During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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