so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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